It could be emotionally devastating to discover that your husband is having extramarital affairs with another woman. It is also natural for the wife to want to confront the other woman whether out of anger, vendetta, curiosity or the psychological need to let out some verbalized frustration. Suffice to say that the cheating spouse, which in this case is the husband, is the one who betrayed the union by breaking his commitment and he should be held accountable for his actions. At the same time it is expedient to say that the girlfriend is an equal partaker in this deceit and should also be held accountable for her ignoble role.
Incidentally, while confronting her may go a long way to provide some temporary respite, it will not in any way resolve the problem permanently. The way the girlfriend will respond during the confrontation may be diametrically different from her demeanour after she had had ample time to sit back and reflect on what was said to her during the verbal vents. Most girlfriends confronted by their boyfriend’s spouses will initially be defensive; but their defensive attitude will lapse into a much more sober mood when the rantings and ravings have long elapsed.
Exposing your husband’s mistress or confronting her is capable of producing either of two outcomes. In most cases it would create a wedge between her and your husband. But it could also backfire and bring your cheating husband and the other woman closer together.
In an extreme scenario where your husband’s side kick is related with you somehow either as a friend, or as a family member, then confronting her is a cardinal imperative. This is because, like your husband, she has betrayed and violated your trust. But if the intruder is a total stranger, confronting her might be a total waste of your time, and heartfelt emotions. If you’re not careful in such cases, she may either temporarily or permanently gain the upper hand during your confrontation by uttering some nasty things that may make you angrier or feel inadequate and insecure. Most importantly you might not be able to foreclose the unthinkable happenstance of everything leading to a physical confrontation. A physical confrontation is something you don’t want to have with a total stranger who is also an intruder who probably already knows about you.
Before you confront the betraying stranger, relation or friend about the affair make sure you have the facts. A cheating husband may attempt to cover his guilt and build his defense around passing the blame to the intruder by presenting her as the one who orchestrated the whole affair. Yes, the first instinct is for most men to pass the buck to the girlfriend even when they lied to her, from the onset, about their marital status and availability.
As a woman who is at the receiving end in this scenario, you have every reason to be crossed with both your man and the intruder, but you have to put your emotions in check and everything in the right perspective. You major grouse should be with your husband. It is annoying enough that the other intruding woman had a canal dalliance with your husband, but it is even more deplorable that you husband broke his marital vows to seek outside intimacy. In other words, the intruder had access to him because he made it possible. In many cases, If it were not this particular woman, it would be another one.
To bring things to a resolvable closure, you must ascertain if the affair was a one off thing, which your husband regrets or if his infidelity is an incurable calculated pattern of behaviour. Calmly and maturely discuss the issue with your husband to ascertain whether he is honestly ready to make amends and put a stop to his philandering ways. If he has the genuine disposition to change for the better, then the chances are that your marriage can be salvaged and protected from future intrusion.
As part of his commitment to change, he may need to go through the needed therapy and counseling and most importantly he must completely end all existing links with the other woman. The only effective way to ensure a workable marital recovery is for him to end further sexual intercourse, personal contact, phone calls, e-mail, social media chats, and tea breaks with the intruder. If he adamantly refuses to cut all ties, then it will be almost impossible to restore trust between the two of you. The inevitable option would be to save you of further emotional turmoil by ending the marriage or relationship. You’re too precious and unique to let someone else rubbish your life and self-esteem. You definitely deserve a better deal.
– Anthony Ogbetere